You need DooM: Eternal NOW!

Wired, Kotaku, and other “Review Sites” and “Game Journalists” Cower in the face of a superior game.

That’s right, DooM ETERNAL is something you need to pick up. If it wasn’t for it being out for a little bit of time now we would have told you it’s necessary. The natural dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin released by pleasure receptors in the body increase your immunity and considering what’s going on in the world we need us some of that.

As disclosed in the headline, DooM Eternal made game “Journalists” weep and beg for easier incarnations or “Fixes” (nerfs). The mechanics terrified them and their smooth brains with the lack of cover-hiding, ammo overabundance, and AI that doesn’t cower under fire. Eternal gives us a much needed injection of the “rocketlauncher on rollerblades” feel that we got in Doom (2016) with some much needed nods to the original games.

While the game has much of the same content from DooM (2016) we also get some platforming, jump puzzles, mid air dash puzzles, and the occasional Jump, Dash, double jump, Land-on-wall-that-falls-oh-S@#%-JUPMP puzzles too which do act as an interruption to the flow (which game designer said this was a good idea and WHO greenlit this on the Dev team, we MUST know…) but all in all it’s an overall pleasing runthrough.

The music, done by Mic Gordon, is amazing and Doom Eternal provides tons of replay value, a buggy 2-on-1 multiplayer mode (I played a demon a few times and the Slayer a few times and found myself enjoying the Demon more), and some “Master Levels” in addition to a re-release of DOOM 64 and includes a few lost levels. Is there bang for your buck? Yes indeed, these things have HUGE guts.

4 out of 5 stars isn’t bad. Considering the only other game that came out at the same time was Animal Crossing: New Horizons which was equally calming and very zen as opposed to the High Octane gorefest that was Doom: Eternal. If you’re looking for a game to put you at ease or one for the kids to play AC:NH is great but if you’re looking to get pumped up… DOOM ETERNAL is where to go.

In closing, we want to tell all the game Journos out there that said “DooM Eternal was too hard”:
We beat the game in the first 7 hours of the public release. If it’s “Too hard on the easiest setting” you obviously didn’t pay attention to the mechanics popups they give you through the whole game, and the codex, and the little animated in-game walkthroughs, and the whole thing about the chainsaw kills filling your ammo and the chainsaw auto-refills to 1 pip. Do you even play video games?

-Loremaster